A Bit of Imperative
by Fizzy 13
Summary: Pre-Series. When a mysterious new enemy steals Kyoko's latest grief seed, she must embark on a quest to get it back... and beat up anybody who gets in the way. Will she get her grief seed back? Will she discover some great new food? And just WHAT is the Imperative?
1. PROLOGUE: YOU STOLE MY WITCH!

AN: Another pre-series thinger. Seems to be the only safe place to write stories until I've seen Rebellion, which I have not yet. I'm a daft moron waiting for it to be released in American first (=GASP!=) because I've grown too lazy to read subs over the years. Sue me. Spoilers is… not something I'd say is on hold. I just got writer's block and I need to get away from it for a bit. This is my solution. No, I haven't read Oriko yet either. Okay, so maybe this era isn't the safest place to write in, but I don't care anymore. Read and review!

Disclaimer: Dear Coobie, please do not sue my ass off. I do not own Meduka Meguca and I never will. I could own a copy of the DVD's, but obviously, that's not the same as owning the intellectual property of the thing. One day, I will have to come up with something just as awesome. Because you have inspired me, you nasty little cabbit. You've inspired me.

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><p><strong>A BIT OF IMPERATIVE<strong>

**A MEDUKA FIC**

**BY FIZZY 13**

**PROLOGUE: YOU STOLE MY WITCH!**

One, two, three.

Yes, three. This was the third witch this week. Kyoko Sakura smirked to herself as she twirled in the air, amidst a backdrop of psychedelic images, sounds, and colours. One sweep from her spear, and the familiars screaming toward her were destroyed.

Though to most, they would have looked like some kind of badly animated mushroom with exaggerated smiling features, she couldn't care what they looked like anymore, really. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. To this professional, it was all in a day's work, with an excellent reward waiting in the end.

"What, is that all ya got, punk?" The crimson magical girl shouted at the witch sitting at the centre of the lair. Kyoko never could tell whether her taunts actually had any effect. Sometimes they seemed to work and the witch would get aggravated. Other times, they wouldn't even seem to notice what she just said.

She wasn't particularly the deeply thinking type – not that she didn't think, of course – but there was this little idea in the back of her mind that maybe, just maybe, it depended on their personality. Even animals had different personalities, so why not witches? Maybe it was expressed by their lair, all that magical despair, used in what? Decorations, of course!

Kyoko snorted and shooed the thought away as she leapt up onto a twisted fairy tale tree and dispatched the angry looking birds that were perched on its branches. It was a cute and entertaining idea, and it was certainly something she could mull over afterwards, but it wasn't going to get her a grief seed, and now wasn't the time to humanize something she needed to kill.

Not that having a personality made it any more human-like, of course. This was the equivalent of thinking about the personality of an angry bear that was chasing after you. A pointless exercise. Hell, it even sounded like something best discussed over tea and cakes.

Ah, yes. Dumb that blonde might have been, but she definitely made the best cakes. She'd have to at least approach her again. If not to kiss and make up – she snorted at the thought – then at least to get the recipe of that decadent tiramisu. Kyoko continued to systematically close in on the witch, slashing, stabbing, and generally killing whatever happened to get in the way.

There was really nothing special about that witch. It was just a witch like any other, and at the end of the day, regardless of whatever its hypothetical personality was, it was going to end up as nothing more than fuel for Kyoko's soul gem, just another drop of oil onto the clockwork that kept her going. Why exactly did she keep on going? It was hard to say at this point.

Maybe she wanted to prove a point to her long gone father. Maybe she didn't want to end up doing what he did to the family. Or maybe, just maybe, she just wanted to keep living for its own sake. Ideals could come and go, but if the textbooks were to be taken seriously, then the only absolute idea in this life was the survival of the fittest.

In which case one might say that if Kyoko continued to survive, then she was fit to do so, and therefore she had earned the right to continue doing so. It was a simple philosophy, but if it kept her asleep at night, why not? It was certainly a lot better than endlessly tossing and turning in bed, haunted by the question of why. Why did she survive? Why did her dad flip out when he discovered the truth about her? And a host of other pointless questions.

Better to throw away everything else, and keep the principles simple. Even that dumb blonde adhered to it in a way. Right and wrong, good and evil, hope and despair, magical girls and witches. It was a naïve black and white principle, the kind you only saw on the stupid magical girl anime of yesteryear.

And maybe that was the point. Whether following the pitiless indifference of Darwin or the moronic self-sacrifice of Eins Justica, they were simple ideas that even idiots could comprehend. And a lot of magical girls were idiots.

Kyoko found a perfect vantage point, right above that witch's eye – well, the biggest one, at any rate. There might have been a ton of them all over its doll-like form, but the one peeking out from under its skirt was probably the most important, on the simple virtue that it was the biggest.

Casually stabbing the last familiar that stood in the way, she took her stance, poised to strike and finish this fight, one that had gone on for so long that she had already caught herself waxing philosophical about something that she had long ago settled.

"Sorry, kid. Ya been entertaining this whole time and all, but the curtain drops here!" She sprang like a panther pouncing on her prey, spear leading the flying lunge at that gigantic eye. For a brief moment, it seemed like it was over. But maybe she shouldn't have called out to it in such a fashion – amusing habit that might have been.

Because Kyoko suddenly found that same eye staring directly at her with its piercing inhuman gaze, unblinking. In less than a second, all the other eyes were doing the same. Worse, they all burst out of the witch – apparently connected to the main body by snail-like eye stalks – and rushed to crush her under their collective force.

"Crap." Kyoko stabbed the first and most eager eye, using it as a springboard to jump over and outmaneuver the rest. The eye-tipped tentacles continued to swarm in an intricate weave, attempting to close her off. But Kyoko had fought too many witches already. This was nothing new.

A quick slash decapitated half of them, just enough to let her squeeze out through the opening and make another lunge for the main eye. She was unstoppable. No eyes, no tentacles, no crazy smurfed up mushroom familiars were going to keep her from her target.

With a final cry of excitement, she made her move. Stepping over the last tentac-eye, Kyoko jumped the tiny gap that remained between her and the main eye, spear outstretched and ready to thrust into that gelatinous witchy blob. That grief seed was as good as hers.

And then, the chain struck.

One moment she was about to stab that witch in its biggest eye. The next, she was suspended in midair by a thick silver chain. "The hell?" What was this? Kyoko glared at the witch, struggling in her new binds. "So ya still had a trump card! Whoda thought? Well this ain't gonna hold me for long!"

"No, but it will hold you for long enough."

Her head snapped in the direction of the unfamiliar voice. Now had it come from the direction of the witch, Kyoko would have possibly entertained the idea that witches could talk. Maybe. But since it clearly came from behind her, then that obviously wasn't the case.

Out from the shadow of one of the silly giant smurfy mushroom houses walked a girl in sunglasses and a black trench coat. "Heh. Nice costume. What, did Kyubey run out of ideas and turn you into a Matrix reject?"

The girl ignored the quip and stopped a good distance from Kyoko, looking up at the red lancer. "We'll be taking this witch."

Kyoko sneered. "Like hell ya will. I found it first, and I sure as hell won't let some upstart Matrix reject take my hard-earned grief seed!"

The girl reached into one of her coat pockets and retrieved a grief seed, casually tossing it at the space under Kyoko. "It's fresh. No different than if you killed this one."

"Of course there's a difference! I earned this one!" The tentac-eyes chose that moment to attack, understandably prioritizing their original antagonist. Kyoko could, in her bindings, only glare at the approaching doom. "Yeah, thanks for nothing, Matrix."

After all, that allegedly fresh grief seed wasn't going to be doing her any good if she was dead, and of course the fact that she preferred to get the seed she worked for, rather than some easily thrown give-away. In response, the girl – now officially called "Matrix" in Kyoko's book – snapped her fingers and the mass of tentac-eyes vanished in a barrage of fiery explosions.

It wasn't over yet, though. Another wave of doom shrooms had spawned and was heading in their direction. Another snap. "Take them. The witch is mine."

"No, _you_ take them! The witch is _mine_!" Kyoko continued to wiggle, trying to break free from the blasted silver chain. "Hey! You expect me to fight them while tied up, or what? Hey!"

"Matrix" simply ignored her like she didn't exist, or at least didn't care that she was still tied up and unable to follow her instructions. Instead, she calmly strode up to the witch. What was her deal, anyway? The first gunshots answered Kyoko's question.

Turning to face the fire, she realized that she wasn't even the one being told to take the familiars. About a dozen military-looking types in black armor had somehow stormed onto the scene and were dishing out the pain, gunning down the angry mushrooms like they would any other Viet Cong or Terrorist that happened to be on the business end of their weapons, completely unfazed by the brain-screwy scenery of the lair. Who were these guys?

And "Matrix"? Was now looking up at the witch, muttering something briefly before snapping her fingers. More explosions struck the creature, destroying most of its eyes and leaving it barely alive. With another snap, it was the witch's turn to be assailed by lengths as over a dozen chains strangled it at many key points, including the giant main eye.

It almost looked pitiful as it struggled against its new binds in vain, not unlike the red lancer who hung suspended by a single silver thread… or well, chain. With one last groan, the witch finally collapsed into a heap, still bound by chains as it abruptly disappeared.

Not in the typical way that would spawn a grief seed, though. No, the witch disappeared entirely, along with the chains that bound it. At around this same time, the CoD goons finished up with the familiars, disappearing back into the shadows from whence they came, doing so in a "tactical-looking" way.

"Matrix" began to stroll away from the scene as well, her task apparently accomplished.

"Hey! We're not finished here!"

"We are." "Matrix" continued to walk.

"Hell no! Write this down, "Matrix"! You stole my witch! Your ass is mine!"

The girl stopped in her tracks, as if finally challenged, turning around in a single fluid step to face the chained up red lancer. "You don't know who you're messing with."

"I don't need to know who I'm messing with, because they'll be dead when I'm through with them!" Kyoko's voice reeked of defiant vengeance. Nobody casually ties her up then steals her witch and gets away with it. So what if she got a free grief seed? It was nothing but alms, considering the circumstances in which it was given, nothing that would make up for the frustration of having her prey stolen from underneath her feet.

"We are the Imperative. We will not be stopped. Especially not by someone like you." With that, the girl faced about, dark ponytail flowing behind her as she walked away.

The chain keeping Kyoko in check finally disappeared, and she landed feet first, ready to run. The only thing stopping her from doing so was the fact that the target she had meant to chase had simply vanished, apparently in the brief moment she fell, considering that was the only time her eyes were not on the girl. A low growl escaped her gritted teeth as she grudgingly picked up the grief seed and cleansed her soul gem.

Regardless of what that pompous Marix reject said, they were far from finished. She was going on a different kind of hunt now. It didn't matter who they were, how many, or how puffed up. She was going to get them back for stealing her kill. But for any hunt, a good hunter would first consult the experts on the local wildlife.

The crimson warrior stepped out of the lair and out into the park, coming face to face with that very expert, who was apparently conveniently just waiting for her, enjoying his spare time by licking his paws…

"Kyubey," procuring an apple to munch, she reclined against the railing, "We need to talk."

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><p>AN: Teaser, more than anything else. As you can tell, the mood is… not entirely too serious. So don't take it too seriously.<p>

So who are the Imperative? What happened to the witch? What's with all the BDSM? Find out next time! Maybe. Just read and review. Guesses that might potentially spoil the story can be PMed to me instead.


	2. I DON'T NEED HER HELP!

**AN:** Have not yet read Oriko. Probably too lazy to. Oh well. Reviews very much appreciated! I want to know whether my writing/characterization is horribly wooden, and what might be done to improve it.

That said, I'm looking for a beta reader. If anybody's offering, please PM me. I _really_ want to have my stuff properly beta'd before putting them up.

John: Thanks.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Meduka Meguca. Coobie owns it or something.

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><p><strong>I. I DON'T NEED HER HELP!<strong>

It wasn't the first time Kyoko had gone after another magical girl who was encroaching on her turf. That happened once before, and it ended rather painfully for the one she was chasing. Good riddance to bad rubbish, one could say.

"Her power includes making chains and explosions appear from nowhere, you say…" Kyubey scratched an ear. "Fascinating."

"Why're ya so _fascinated_? Ain'tcha the only one making contracts around here? Shouldn't you know who she is?" Kyoko raised an eyebrow. Kyubey had of course given her the low-down on another girl she'd hunted down once. If he didn't know who Matrix was, then who could?

"That's what makes her so fascinating." He tilted his head, apparently in a calculated attempt to look cute. Kyoko stopped buying that act ages ago. "She is something of an anomaly. I'll have to look more deeply into this matter before I can come up with anything conclusive, but if she's taking witches alive, that poses a serious problem."

"Damn right it does," Kyoko finished the apple and threw the core down the garbage chute. "Means I don't get my grief seeds."

"And of course the inherent problem with witches being left unaccounted for. She doesn't know what she's getting into." Kyubey climbed the rail. "We have to make it a priority to stop this."

"Yeah, of course we do." The red lancer's frown deepened. It was clear by this point that they had arrived at the same conclusion, from completely different starting points. "So is there _anything_ you can do to help out? If not tell me who she is, maybe give me some other clue?"

"If you know anything else about her, I might be able to use it in my investigation."

"What, aside from dressing up like a Matrix reject, making chains and explosions appear from nowhere, summoning CoD goons to deal with the smallfry, and calling herself the Imperative?" Kyoko sighed. "That's everything, really."

"I don't believe you've told me about the latter two." While he kept up his poker face, there was some surprise in his voice. "Tell me more."

"She called up a bunch of gun-toting mooks to deal with the smallfry so she could take the witch herself, and they actually didn't lose anyone. Then, before she left she said 'we are the Imperative'. Woooo~," Kyoko wiggled her fingers, as if sarcastically trying to invoke an air of mystery, whipping out a pre-opened box of Pocky.

"I see. That's a bit more to go on, though I admit I have no idea what this 'Imperative' is. At the moment, the best I can do to assist you is help you get back in touch with Mami."

The red lancer stopped just short of taking the first bite of Pocky at the mention of the name. "She's got nothing to do with this."

"Perhaps, but if you will be facing an organization capable of deploying proficient human troops into a witch lair without suffering casualties, then you will need all the help you can get." There was something about that typical matter-of-factly tone that was starting to grate on her, though she couldn't exactly say what. Perhaps it was the condescension she was reading into his voice.

"I don't _need_ her help." Or at least one could conclude that was what she was saying. It was hard to tell, given she was holding some Pocky in her mouth in a very peculiar fashion, one that made it difficult to speak.

The little white rabbit-cat-thing sighed in resignation. "I understand. I won't force you-"

"Ya couldn't even if you tried."

"Yes. Just as with the case of the wish and the contract, getting Mami's assistance is only an option I am presenting you with, not… well… an imperative."

"Oh, ha, ha, ha," she rolled her eyes at the apparent pun. "Was that you trying to crack a joke?"

"Not really. I have no reason to engage in humour, as where I come from, emotions are considered a mental illness."

"Uh-huh." Kyoko wasn't really all too interested in what he had to say about such things. What she was after was nothing less than useful, practical assistance.

Kyubey produced a white card showing Mami's current contact details and whereabouts, sliding it over the rail and onto the red lancer's hand. "Here you go. If ever you decide to pursue that option. Unfortunately, this is really all I can do to help you. None of the magical girls in the neighbouring cities would even want to be in a close proximity to you, let alone lend a hand. You have quite the reputation, after all."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Kyoko pocketed the card and took another bite of Pocky. "So if that really is all we've got, then I guess we're done here." She straightened back up and turned to leave.

"There is one more thing, actually…"

"Yeah?" She turned her head, tilting it back to get a good view of the little cat.

Kyubey tilted his head to the side. "What is 'CoD'?"

"Gee, I dunno," Kyoko scratched the back of her head, rolling her eyes as she clearly wanted out as soon as possible. Every second wasted was a second that crazy Matrix reject was out on the loose stealing grief seeds. "Why don'tcha go Google it or something? You know what Google is, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then we're done here!" Casually tossing up a hand as if to bid goodbye, the red lancer turned about and walked off. Where to, exactly? To find some other leads, maybe hunt down some other girls and ask them if they've seen or even heard any rumours about this 'Imperative', whatever it was supposed to be.

But the last thing on her mind was going to the address on that card, or even calling the number, because the last thing she wanted was help from that dumb blonde.

These were times of plenty, compared to others. Lots of witches to go around, not too much competition to steal your kills. The way she'd seen the world work, and it didn't just apply to witch hunting, everything seemed to operate in cycles.

Witch numbers would swell, and contracts would be made. The number of magical girls eventually evens up to the number of witches, and they hunt them to near extinction. Witch numbers would then go up, with a lot of the girls not being heard from again – probably because they got too cocky and died in some lairs somewhere; that was the problem with all these rookies…

Few magical girls last for long, maybe a few months on average, with only the truly elite successfully carving out territory of their own, setting themselves apart from the pack of newbies and coming out on top.

Those who did so learned how to survive. Like any other hunter, they learned the best hunting grounds, the best times to go hunting, the best strategies to use against the prey, and how to beat the competition, in order to stay fat and happy despite there being times of little.

Ironically, these being times of plenty meant that Kyoko would be hard pressed to find any leads to talk to. Even the rookies heard rumours, and even a rumour could be helpful. Takibara would be a good place to start looking. She knew a couple of girls there who owed her favours. Afraid or not, they would have to help her out.

Kyoko came down to a certain café – had this been a noir movie, it would've been a bar, and she'd be wearing a trench coat and fedora. Because then that would make _her _the Matrix reject. It was an outdoorsy kind of place, right in the middle of the local park, typically attracting hundreds of customers a day, mostly students. What with the nice green trees and fresh air and the constant smell of ice cream, that shouldn't have been surprising.

It was a regular haunt by one of the girls who owed her; a few months back, she'd killed a witch that was too much for the local to handle, and let her keep the grief seed in exchange for a favour in the future. Not a bad deal, right?

"Well, Miyuki, it's time for me to cash in on that," the red lancer bit into her hotdog sandwich.

Miyuki was this unimposing kind of girl, with dark hair and annoyingly big goo-goo eyes that would compel people to pet her like a dog, if she didn't happen to be human. She quietly sipped from a glass of ice tea. "A… as long as it doesn't involve giving any grief seeds," her voice was barely audible, "I'm almost out."

"Nah, it won't cost ya any grief seeds," Kyoko said between bites, "But it does involve helping me track one down."

"…. eh?"

"I'm looking for someone. She stole a grief seed from me." If she'd said 'stole a witch', the poor kid might get badly confused and wouldn't be able to help her out at all. Besides, wasn't a witch just a grief seed waiting to happen anyway? "About this high, long dark ponytail, cosplays like those guys from the Matrix: trenchcoat, sunglasses, the works. Maybe you've seen her?"

The redeeming point of Miyuki having big goo-goo eyes was that they were very easy to read. And when they got bigger as she described the grief seed thief, Kyoko smirked, knowing she'd hit paydirt. "Tha… ah… umm…."

"Yeah?"

"I… I heard th… that Natsuko over in Kuroyama ran… ran into someone like that." She took a particularly loud sip, nodding to herself. "She might know something."

"Really now?"

Miyuki nodded vigorously. "Yes! Yes, I heard about it from Chie!"

Kyoko took another bite from her frank sandwich, using the time to chew to process this. It was funny how she was so unnerved by a mere rumour. Maybe she was afraid she was next on the list, or something. But it was funny how coincidence was working out quite nicely… one might even think of it as somewhat contrived.

She stood up. "How convenient. I was heading to Kuroyama next, actually." The quick relief that appeared on Miyuki's face was obvious. "Guess that saves me the trouble." The red lancer nodded as she turned around. "I guess we're even now. Though, lemme ask one last time, are you _sure_ that's all ya know?"

Miyuki nodded, albeit more slowly now.

"Good. Because I swear, if it turns out you were hiding something from me, a grief seed shortage will be the least of your worries!"

A loud gulp.

"Ya know now that I think about it," Kyoko narrowed her eyes and smirked, "It's kinda funny that you're having trouble with grief seeds, considering ya have this whole town to yourself."

Those big goo-goo eyes were now telling Kyoko that there was more to this. Even more telling, when Miyuki only smiled, closing them. "That _is_ funny, isn't it, Sakura-san? But to be completely honest, witches have been pretty scarce here as of late. That's all I know."

"Tch. Suit yourself, then." Kyoko started walking, "Don't blame me if I come back to mess ya up."

She hadn't walked ten feet when Miyuki shouted after her, "Tomoe-san is also looking into it! You could team up with her and-"

"I don't _need_ her help!" She turned her head back to the kid, a tooth-baring snarl on her face. "But thanks for the tip. You're not half bad."

And just like that, Kyoko was on the way again. Another lead, another town. This one was built on the side of a mountain with a massive coal mine, hence the name. It had already been sanitized since then, of course, the coal plants giving way to wind and solar farms that would power the town while keeping the environment happy, or whatever.

The mine was still open, though. Other places still ran on coal, and there was never a reason to not sell off tons of dead dinosaurs in exchange for money, knowing that somewhere out there, these dead dinosaurs were lighting up someone's house at night. Or something.

More strategically, lots of accidents had happened during the coal mine's extensive history, giving it a tragic backdrop that none of the locals were allowed to forget. As a result, the areas of town closest to the mine became prime witch real estate, and thus prime witch hunting ground.

Natsuko had grown up alone in this terrible excuse for a residential area, out on the streets, even. Her wish was an understandable one, to become part of a loving family. Of course as with most wishes, things never went exactly as planned, and this warm, loving, wonderful family that she had considered her own, died in an accident, ironically enough, related to an explosion in the mine. Natsuko went back to living on the streets, feeling far worse than when she had started.

"They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," the purple-haired hammer swinger took a sip from a saucer of sake. "That's bullshit."

"Uh-huh." Kyoko nodded, pretending to listen as she munched on some of the local delicacies, a piece of rock candy made to look like, well, a lump of coal. Apparently the tourism sector was trying to cash in on the town's history of being a coal mine, and so promoted things that were related to the mine. They even sold pickaxe key chains.

It had been close to an hour since they first met on this rooftop overlooking the mine, and this girl had done nothing but blabber on about her backstory, which she didn't have a chance to do the first time they met. That is to say, when Kyoko was passing through town and happened to take up Natsuko's completely arbitrary offer to go witch hunting.

They ended up having a big disagreement over how to split the grief seeds, and Kyoko eventually settled for a much smaller cut than she deserved, in exchange for a favour in the future. But apparently, Natsuko somehow mistook this as a _casual_ meeting, like they were now friends, or something. Why else would she open up so much?

"If I hadn't met them, then I wouldn't have cared if they died in a more horrible way than falling down a mineshaft with molten coal candy at the bottom! But now…"

"Yeah, I get how ya feel," Apparently Natsuko was too absorbed in her own whining – or maybe had too much sake – to notice that Kyoko wasn't even trying to sound concerned. "If I didn't make my wish, my family would still be here too."

Boo hoo. Cry me a river. She rolled her eyes as Natsuko gave her a tight hug. "I knewwww you'd undershtanndrd! Thishh whole damn magical girl thing seems like a whooole world of suffering, ehhhh?"

Now, the alcohol was starting to show. Kyoko gently pushed the other girl away, before things got out of hand. "Right, right. Anyway, I'm here for that favour ya owe me for giving you a bigger cut of the grief seeds."

"… huh?" There was a brief look of puzzlement on Natsuko's face before what Kyoko said finally got through alcohol. At which point her expression simmered down from drunken bemusement to sober poker-ness. "Oh, right. So, you want me to go hunting with you?"

"... it was never that specific, ya know." Obviously, she was still clouded by all that sake.

"… oh."

Kyoko went on to _briefly_ explain her situation, about how her grief seed had been stolen by that Matrix reject, how she was now looking for her grief seed… and some payback. And of course, that she heard that Natsuko might have seen the aforementioned grief seed thief.

"Hey, at least she only stole your grief seed," Natsuko shrugged and this time took a swig straight from the bottle. "That bitch stole my witch. Live. She's totally gonna kill it someplace quiet where nobody can snatch the grief seed from her."

"So she hit ya too, huh." Kyoko popped the lump of coal into her mouth and pushed it into a cheek. Finally, some progress! "Actually, yeah, she stole my witch live too. Just said "grief seed" in case it didn't happen that way to ya and you'd start asking questions. Anything else ya might know?"

"No, sounds almost exactly like what happened to me." The purple hammer swinger shook her head. "That witch-napping bitch is a slick operator. Used a bunch of airsoft addicts to take care of the familiars."

"Lazy is what I call it," Kyoko reclined against the rails. "Anything else you might know?"

"I wish I did, but no. Like I said, our experiences were practically carbon copied." Natsuko sipped from her saucer. "You know, that Tomoe chick was here the other day. Asked about the same stuff, except that she didn't mention anything about her witch getting stolen. Probably feeling all mother hen and wanting to help all us little magical girls, or something." As if something just dawned on her, she glanced in Kyoko's direction. "Weren't you guys tight way back when?"

"Way back when. Ain't the case now." She saw where this was heading, and didn't like it. The red lancer got off the rails and prepared to take her leave.

"Too bad," Natsuko took another swig, "She's kinda cute~"

Now that was definitely the alcohol talking. Kyoko shook her head. "Yeah, well, why don't _you_ hit on her then?"

"Pfft. Me? Hard drinking working class berk? Hit on that tea guzzling uptown hottie? Get out of here."

"Sure will, unless ya got anything else for me." Kyoko almost snickered at her own comeback.

"Actually, yeah. You really should get back with her, if only to solv-"

She threw her hands in the air. "Look, I don't know why everybody I've talked to about this says the same thing. Maybe you're all part of some kinda wacky conspiracy to get me to kiss and make up with that dumb blonde. Maybe you're not. But I'm gonna tell ya what I told them: I don't _need_ her help!"

"… you sure? Two heads are better than one."

"Not when those two heads are butting!"

"Who said anything about butts? Tomoe's appeal is obviously someplace higher than her butt." Natsuko winked as she crossed her arms over her chest, as if covering it in modesty. Too much alcohol. That was the only explanation for this awkward turn of discussion.

"Wha…" Kyoko's mouth hung agape at the direction this took, cheeks going red. "Look, that's neither here nor there. I'm talkin' about teaming up to investigate this. I mean, sure, we're both tackling it, but we're approaching it from completely different angles! Mami wants to be all Heroine of Justice™ and save the magical girls from dying because of grief seed scarcity! All I want is to get my grief seed back and to kick that stupid Matrix reject's face in!"

"But you're both tackling it." The purple hammer swinger went bottoms up, taking the last big swig from her bottle. "Quit focusing on what you disagree on, and start thinking about what you have in common: namely, that this witch-napping bitch has to be stopped. Even Eins Justica had to team up with Lord Merodach to stop a bigger threat, and last I checked, you guys weren't mortal enemies."

Kyoko rolled her eyes. "Ya know, ya probably could hook up Mami if you wanted. She watches that too."

Natsuko giggled. Clearly, she had already gone over the wall, despite dispensing some surprisingly sober advice at the time. "Really… well then, I've got better chances if you put in a good word for me, right? And you can only do that if-"

"Alright, alright! I get it. I'll team up with Mami. But only until this is over." Kyoko caught herself then. "Why the hell am I even telling this to _you_, of all people?"

The purple hammer swinger just nodded… repeatedly. "Because I'm drunk, and won't remember any of this in the morning."

"It's just past lunch time." Kyoko bit into the now shrunken lump of candy coal, crushing it between her molars.

"Exactly!" Natsuko raised up her finger before finally collapsing into a heap against the railings, clearly out.

Shaking her head, the red lancer made her way to the stairwell, and out of the building. Her next stop? The address on the card Kyubey gave. Or, to be less roundabout: Tomoe Mami.

* * *

><p>AN: Will I be shipping anyone here? MamixKyo? MamixDrunken Extra? Maybe, maybe not. I think this is starting to veer towards some degree of crackfic-ness. Well, I <em>did<em> say it was a parody, didn't I? And I _did_ say it wasn't going to be so serious, didn't I? So there.

There's an actual term for the "saucer" used to drink sake. For the record, it's not really a saucer, but more of a saucer-like cup. However, for various reasons, I decided to leave it as "saucer".

Next time: Kyoko eats WAFFLES. Mami finally appears (maybe). Kyubey discovers Call of Duty and brings about the end of the world by hosting a LAN party for the whole Incubator hive mind (I don't know how that will end the world, don't ask).


	3. I JUST WANTED TO TALK

AN: Stuff happens, etc etc. My very late New Year's Present to you all.

Disclaimer: Meduka Meguca is the property of Coobie. Everything here that doesn't belong to me, such as CoD, belongs to whoever rightfully owns them. That is all.

* * *

><p><strong>II. I JUST WANTED TO TALK<strong>

"Here you go," A warm smile on her face, Mami Tomoe handed a struggling cat over to an unassuming short-haired girl. It wasn't exactly a normal thing to do for a magical girl, getting cats out of trees and whatnot. That isn't to say, of course, that she wouldn't do that as a typical good person, though. In fact, she didn't even have to go out of the way to do good things, she just happened to be passing by.

Mami didn't normally frequent this part of town most of the time. Why was she in the area, then, passing by and getting cats out of trees?

"That was a close call, too."

Well, it wasn't exactly getting cats out of _trees_, either, but that was a close enough story. After all, it seemed to be the most common problem cats had, that tendency to end up getting stuck in trees.

"Too close," the girl nodded, cuddling the cat, which struggled to struggled to survive suspected suffocation. "Thank you so much!"

"Don't mention it," the golden musketeer smiled back, "Just being a decent person. Anyway, I should be going. Can you get home by yourself?"

"Yeah, my house isn't that far from here."

"Great! Hope you two get home safe, then." Mami prepared to leave, "It would be terrible if either of you got run over."

"Oh, she actually lives by herself. Wanders around town a lot," the girl set the cat down, the feline making her way into a narrow alley. A truck passed by, blaring its horns aloud, sending the little thing scrambling faster into the dark space, far from the scary noise. Not bothering to repeat what she'd just said, the girl instead continued on, "I just see her a lot is all."

"Well as long as you're careful," Already, the blonde senior was scanning the area for the reason she came to this part of town, "Prevention is better than cure, especially if the thing needing a cure is getting hit by-" Another loud truck honked by.

She wondered for a moment if someone up there had a dislike for cats. Probably not. After all, if they did, then this cat would have been hit ages ago. Never mind all the other cats that tend to get hit by oncoming vehicles.

"Anyway, take care of yourself."

With a quick wave, the golden musketeer had gone, leaving the girl to shrug and continue on her merry unassuming way. Whoever that mysterious blonde senior was - and it was a shame, she'd forgotten to ask her name - she was a very good person. The kind you'd probably want to hang out with if that was alright with her.

Now, with her little good deed for the day done with, Mami continued with her mission: investigate the rumours of a magical girl who was out stealing grief seeds. Or maybe witches, depending on who was telling the story.

She'd been to other towns already, asking the local girls about anything they could share. Much of the information was second-hand, with only a handful being first-hand. Natsuko from Kuroyama, Aya from Shibuya, and Hikari from Odaiba.

The first-hand information was consistent, at least. Live witch abductions, by a magical girl dressed up in what she could best figure out as a trench coat. This was a deduced sort of consistency, as all three of them described her as being dressed up as some character from a prominent series or film, namely "Neo", "Hei", and "Shana".

Of course, Mami had the insight to make sure to ask for a specific description, but in all cases, they just stuck to these names, and the poor senior had to google the ones she didn't particularly know. It was rather sad, that she was already trying to help them with their witch problem, but they were being rather uncooperative when they didn't really say much outside of those characters, and… well, the trench coat, when she _really_ prodded them.

Mami rounded a corner, en route to the next possible lead. So far, this one was bound to be the most reliable one on her list, mainly because, well, Chiba Mayuri was just that kind of person. Possibly one of the oldest girls Mami was familiar with, Mayuri had long retired from the game, instead keeping track of witch activity in the region and tipping other girls off, in exchange for a finder's fee: one in every ten grief seeds her clients discovered.

Her operation was, however, low key enough that she was only something of a rumour to most other magical girls, begging the question then, of how Mami knew that she was for real.

The answer was really a simple one: Mayuri had served as something of Mami's crutch in the earlier days. No, not as a mentor. Mami had never seen that senior fight. More of a charity job, who just happened to be around when Mami got caught in that accident that led to her contract.

Probably saw her as another client, a fresh client, even, considering she saw the actual contract making take place. Kyubey didn't really disagree, and confirmed that yes, Mayuri was a good resource. And so, early on, Mayuri had taught Mami the basics of witch tracking, and merely watched her do the fighting.

In a way, the Witch Spotter, as she was called, had reinforced Mami's superior solo performance, discouraging her from relying on "teammates" and other such distractions. She would never fight alongside Mami, only watch, critique, and give feedback. She would scoff at how Mami coped with this enforced isolation, mocking the names she chose for her attacks, and the silly Sailor Moon-esque speeches she would make before starting a fight.

Well, the latter, she ultimately outgrew. But "Tiro Finale" was just too awesome to abandon.

In the end, they parted on amiable terms, once Mami could clearly fend for herself. Unfortunately, her plan backfired. She trained the neophyte so well that Mami never had to rely on her for tracking witches down. They still kept in touch, interestingly enough.

Except... Someone was standing in the way when she rounded that corner, temporarily blinded by the light of the morning sun.

All she could make out was a silhouette, but that nondescript shapelessness was all she needed to see. It was extremely loose clothing...

The figure with the solar backlight behind it spoke. "Whatever you're doing, you're just wasting your time."

Mami squinted and held a hand above her eyes like a visor, as they adjusted. Sure enough, it was a trench coat. Which meant that standing before her was none other than the mysterious magical girl who was out stealing witches from hapless girls just fighting to survive. The golden musketeer smirked. "Heh. That's funny. I could've sworn my efforts have really paid off. _You're_ here, after all."

"You didn't find me. I came to you." The girl took off her sunglasses and began wiping them with some cloth. Unfortunately, with the sun shining so brightly, Mami couldn't get a good look at her eyes, or even her face, for the matter. She might as well have been talking to a shadow.

"Exactly." Mami started circling around to get a better look, hoping that this girl would at least be cooperative enough to let her see her face. By the time they'd switched positions, however, the sunglasses were back on.

'Trench', as Mami decided to call her, since she didn't seem to be so keen on introducing herself, had at most turned to a side. Talk about a lack of respect. "No. I didn't come here because your investigation was attracting my attention. What you're doing is far from unique, and you're just another in a long line of girls who're trying to find me so they can get 'their' grief seeds back."

Mami casually flipped her hair. After all, the sun was behind her now, so she didn't need to shield her eyes. "Actually, I just wanted to talk."

"... and girls who 'just want to talk'." It was difficult to tell whether she had actually originally intended to say that from the beginning, or only cropped it on after the golden musketeer had given her a reason that was opposite of her expectations.

"Is my wanting to talk still a waste of time?"

Trench's eyes narrowed. Well, at least Mami could see a hint of eye narrowing past the sunglasses' temples. And probably both eyes, even though she could only see part of one. It was a sensible deduction. "Depends on what you want to talk about."

"For starters, why are you stealing witches?"

"My 'victims' don't want for grief seeds. I give them fresh ones in exchange."

Mami sighed. That was such a childish defence. This girl was clearly missing the point of her question. It wasn't that magical girls were losing hard earned grief seeds, it was... Well... Actually, yes, it was about that. But if she was giving them fresh replacements anyway - another thing the interviewees left out; it was as if they _wanted_ her to butt heads with this girl. Was that it?

She shook her head. That was still beside the point. Okay, so they received grief seeds in compensation, but that was another bothersome concern. Few magical girls were willing to part with grief seeds, moreover fresh ones. And she couldn't simply write it off as an equivalent exchange. Why take a live witch over a grief seed?

"Fine. But that doesn't answer my question. Why are you stealing witches? Where are you taking them? If you're keeping them locked up in a barrier somewhere, I suggest you just put them down. You're playing with fire, do you realize that?" And just as importantly as her suspicious behaviour, if she was keeping live witches, this meant there was the possibility they would escape to wreak havoc again.

"Why should I tell you anything about what happens to the witches we take? I don't answer to you."

"You don't." The golden musketeer decided to play the "magical girl of justice" card. Odds are she wasn't one of those types - girls fighting for justice like Mami were a great rarity, based on the ones she knew - but who knows? Maybe this one was different. "But you do answer to the people you have to protect from witches. That's the duty we take up in exchange for our wish."

"Hmph." Trench adjusted her glasses and crossed her arms, turning to face Mami with a snappiness and precision that implied military training. "You sound just like someone I know. But I'll tell you what I told her: I protect them, but I don't answer to them."

"Then who _do_ you answer to?" Mami pressed on with the interrogation, trying to squeeze anything out of this girl. Any sort of hint, any clue, would be fine. So long as it got her a step closer to the missing witches. "Yourself?"

"We are the Imperative. _That_ is my sole authority."

Mami raised an eyebrow. Imperative? What was that? Some sort of organization? A vow of some kind? The latest internet buzzword? A brand of TV dinner pack? "Imperative?"

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear," The dark haired girl slowly, almost methodically, cracked her knuckles. Only now did Mami realize that she was wearing black gloves to go with the trench coat. Clearly, she had something of a flair for the dramatic, especially walking around town dressed like that. It seemed to be a miracle that nobody else seemed to notice her... Almost as if they were in their own little world. "So I'll say it again. I don't answer to you. I am under no obligation whatsoever to tell you anything about what I'm doing. Besides... If I did tell you, how would you react?"

"How do you think I'd react?" She just threw the question back. This little mind game was becoming rather interesting, actually. How to poke a hole in this girl's head, see how she thinks, gauge her obstinacy...

"I don't make broad assumptions, especially of people I've just met."

She really was taking the safe route, wasn't she? But there was just something bugging the gunslinger at this moment. "You could always just mysteriously disappear, you know. If you really don't want to tell me anything other than 'You're wasting your time', then why are you still here? Are you _sure_ that's all you wanted to say?"

"That's right."

"Then why did you play along for this whole time?" Mami chuckled. "Ah, I see. I'm guessing you were probably looking for an opportunity to say something cryptic but cool-sounding, like 'We are the Imperative', wooooo~~" She wiggled her fingers as if trying to invoke mystery and wild mass guessing.

Because really, throughout this whole discussion, that was about the only useful thing Trench had said; more important than knowing someone who sounded just like Mami... Probably more important, at any rate. Mami would have to look up other magical girls who sounded just like her. At least in the future, when this was solved.

Indeed, she seemed to be leading the golden musketeer to ultimately ask the question of what authority she answered to. Was this girl setting up a fake mystery of some kind? Mami thought to herself for a while... April was still a ways off, so this couldn't have been some elaborate prank... Unless of course that was a prank so elaborate that it would take a year to set it up.

But then again, who uses real live witches for pranks?

Trench only answered with a low, throaty growl that she did without showing any teeth. As well as a twitchy eyebrow that was practically screaming, in a Dirty Harry voice, "Are you making fun of me, Goldilocks?"

"Or is it that this 'Imperative' is just some ruse you're making up to confuse people who're investigating you?"

"I might lie about things," Trench raised her chin, "But I would _never_ lie about the Imperative."

"Oh really?" Mami's voice became teasing now, eyes narrowing and mouth shaping up into a sly smirk. "Then why are you being so defensive about it~?"

Just as quickly as the words left the blonde senior's mouth, Trench raised her right arm and snapped her fingers. A chain - tipped with a painful looking meat hook - shot out from a ripple behind the mystery girl, and past Mami's cheek, missing it by mere inches, before crashing into the pavement. "That was your warning shot. Stop wasting your time. If the white rat has nothing on me, what makes you think _you'll_ find anything?"

If she was shaken by that sudden move, Mami was at least very good at hiding the fact. Still keeping up that smirk, she only held up her fist in response, sticking up one finger for each point she answered. "One, his name's Kyubey. Two, I've already found something out, so the point of your question is moot. Three... You need to take a chill pill. Or maybe anger management. What if people saw that?"

"That is not my concern." The chain disappeared. "However, it seems that I really can do nothing to dissuade you from pursuing me. In that case..." Trench turned about and started walking down the alley. "Just watch yourself. What you might discover... will most likely not be to your liking."

Mami didn't follow. No, she'd stretched that girl's patience enough. Thanks to the evidence, it was clear that if she probed any more, she might have suffered the same fate as that slab of pavement. For now, this "Imperative" was enough of a clue for her. Or was it? She still didn't know if it was an organization, a vow, a search term, or some kind of food brand. For now, she'd list that down in order of likelihood: which in this case was, well, organization, vow, buzzword, and food brand.

Sighing to herself, the golden musketeer decided to continue up the road, to her latest lead's house. Although now, she wondered... What was the point of asking Mayuri for information regarding Trench, if she already got something straight from the horse's mouth? Well, you could never discount a good information source. Mayuri was always well informed about witches, so it stood to reason that she would also be well informed about, or at least have some extra knowledge on, Trench and her activities. It might not have been on the Imperative, but if she could get to know something about Trench, something more, then that was always worth the visit.

Even before she could go around the last corner to Mayuri's house, however, she spotted yet another figure looking back at her from across the street. The denim shorts and light blue jacket were a lot more familiar, however, particularly the deep red hair and the smell of pleasant confectionery. Said figure was in the process of eating a cone of Belgian waffle - though in Belgium there is no such term, and waffles are instead named by region, making this a wholly American invention - with one hand, while the other hand held a second cone. A second round? Or a peace offering?

Mami raised her hand and waved, the girl only smirked as she crossed the street, only to be interrupted by a speeding truck blaring its horn... Apparently that same truck that scared the cat earlier.

Now with that little distraction out of the way, the girl in the blue jacket resumed her crossing of the street, and handed over the untouched cone of Belgian waffle. "No, it's not for what I said last time," she muttered between mouthfuls. "It's to get you to shut up and listen while you're eating."

And how could she say no to a free waffle? Assuming a cheery disposition, Mami accepted the gift with all grace and prepared to eat, but not before saying, "It's good to see you again too, Kyoko."

Kyoko Sakura waved it off as an aside, not really something to be bothering with. After all, it wasn't like she _wanted_ to be working with this dumb blonde. No, it was more like she was forced to by either bizarre circumstances beyond her control, or, a conspiracy of people including Kyubey and at least two magical girls, who decided that it would be a great idea for them to work together. "Anyway, I'm just here cuz I heard ya been looking for a certain magical girl..."

"Word does travel around fast, it seems." Mami nodded as she started to eat the offered waffle. "Are you looking for her too?"

"You bet your ass I am!" Kyoko almost squeezed her waffle out in her visible anger. Fortunately, she remembered another important principle being that she respected food. The waffle was safe. "That Matrix reject stole my witch! And you're gonna help me find her!"

Mami only smiled in response. "I certainly appreciate your enthusiasm. Alright. Let's work together on this." She held out her hand. "Friends?"

Kyoko stared, eyes narrowed, at the proposed handshake almost as if it was some kind of alien creature to be dissected. After what seemed like maybe five minutes - seemed being the key word here. It was probably a lot shorter - she freed her according hand from the waffle and took the shake. But there was something she wanted to make clear before anything else... "Partners."

She wasn't here to kiss and make up, no matter what Natsuko would prod her to do. Besides, if she really wanted these dumb blonde Mamis, then she should come and get them herself, not expect Kyoko to do all the hard work of... Okay, putting in a good word for Natsuko wasn't _that_ hard of work, but the principle was there.

Mami nodded, possibly somewhat disappointed at the result. Nevertheless, she should have known better than to expect too much, since they hadn't made up at all since that day. "Partners, then..."

This was going to be quite a rough partnership.

* * *

><p>[INQB Log - Terradate 11697.6]<p>

_Simulation data has been uploaded and simulated identity, heretofore known as "Player Avatar", has been acquired. "Username" prompt has been filled, Player Avatar is heretofore known as "qbR00Lz"._

_qbR00Lz has been included in a small online hub known as a 'match'. The match will generate a pre-constructed simulated environment, heretofore known as a 'map', in which the included player avatars will interact, primarily via virtual violence. The currently selected map is named "Crackdown", which upon scanning resembles the human idea of a "drug lab". Parameter set of the 'match' is currently identified as "Team Deathmatch", in which players are divided into two factions or 'teams', and the primary objective is to virtually kill the members of the enemy team more times than they can kill your members._

_Based on an analysis of various real life parameters, cross-referenced with the program code, we have selected a class that we have deemed ideal: 'Overwatch', armed with a rapid-fire high-capacity primary weapon, and a similar rapid-fire high-capacity high-explosive secondary weapon. This will provide us with the highest degree of damage potential, and allow us to earn the best score._

_The list of player avatars in this specific match is as follows:_

_**DEVGRU**_

_whothehelldoyouthinkiam  
>SayakaRoxxorz<br>misterCheif  
>NanoHAH!<br>GroundhogGirl5.56_

_**Black Talon**_

_qbR00Lz  
>Frickachu<br>d00medGai  
>SailorUsagi<br>TummyPAWNCHer_

_Time limit is set to "None", meaning this match can theoretically continue indefinitely, limited only by the stamina or interest of the players._

_We will be testing this program until the match ends. More likely than not, it will last less than 12 hours, based on the IP traces of the players here._

_The match is beginning. Setting all observational parameters to monitor all activity within the present unified network field._

_Game start._

A white Overwatch trooper with red highlights spawned on the map, along with four companions. None of them really knew each other, but most understood the general rule: kill anyone who wasn't one of them, and do it as well as possible. _Frickachu_, a Sniper, tried to take the leadership role, blurting out in-game pre-recorded radio transmissions to the rest of his team mates.

Why he did this instead of just using his mic to put things into his own words, nobody really knew why. Most acknowledged this leadership role, except for the Recon _d00medGai,_ who simply remained quiet and went to do his own thing.

_qbR00Lz_ was rather straightforward about his approach, and decided to tag along with _TummyPAWNCHer_, an Assault class, who was taking the shortest route in the direction of the enemy spawn point. This player was certainly single-minded about how to approach the match. Unfortunately, it seemed that _SailorUsagi_ had no idea what he was doing, or even how to play the game, as for some reason, once people started moving, he actually backpedalled into a wall... and kept doing so.

Well that wasn't too important, _qbR00Lz_ figured. After all, he and _TummyPAWNCHer_ had just taken out _SayakaRoxxorz_, _qb_ having flanked him with the grenade launcher and _TummyPAWNCHer_ taking the kill with the assault rifle. This victory was short-lived, however, as _qbR00Lz_ soon saw his team mate explode into a gory mess thanks to _NanoHAH!'s _rocket launcher. Over the open channel, a high-pitched shriek of satisfaction drowned all other chatter as the voice of a young girl screamed, "HAH! Punch THAT!" So even little girls played this game. That was very interesting.

Considering the best course of action, the white Overwatch trooper decided to beat a tactical retreat to base, where, inexplicably enough, _SailorUsagi_ was _still_ backpedalling into a wall. Before he could offer advice, however, _qb's_ screen turned red and he soon received the message that he had been killed, thanks to _GroundhogGirl5.56's_ light machinegun. Two seconds later, _SailorUsagi_ also died.

"Hmmm..." _qb_ thought quietly to himself. It seemed the skills of the players, and the odds of winning in this match were heavily lopsided in the opposing team's direction, as his team included some computer illiterate moron who didn't even know how to move forward. _Frickachu_ at least managed to score a headshot against _misterCheif_, and _whothehelldoyouthinkiam_ was appropriately doomed by _d00medGai_, apparently because the former charged with a katana from a long range, while the latter made short work of him with an assault rifle.

His respawn timer expiring, _qb_ appeared once again in their base and prepared to move out... except he couldn't, as _GroundhogGirl_ killed him once more. Apparently, she was camping behind some crates at the back of the Black Talon base. How troublesome.

To say the least, however, this match was shaping up to be... rather interesting. Yes, he would be playing this game for a while. There was no doubt about that. This match... was just the beginning.

* * *

><p>AN: Okay, I'll admit that I only spent an hour researching CoD and watching a couple of gameplay videos. Which is why I kept which specific CoD it was vague, and maybe added some weird features that weren't <em>exactly<em> CoD. And yes, technically, the only thing Kyoko actually _does_ in this chapter is eat waffles, but I _did_ deliver on the waffles, right? And Mami finally shows up, so all's good. Technically this chapter was more about Mami, in a way.

So! Up next! Kyoko and Mami consumate their partnership with more waffles! Coobie continues his plot to doom the world by the power of CoD! Matrix trolls more megucas! Will we find out just WHAT the Imperative is? Ehhhh, probably not just yet. But keep reading, and we will! Eventually!

Just remember to read and review!


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